can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
