Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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