You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
