She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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