and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
