Will you blow on my dice?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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