put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
