Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
