Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
