oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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