My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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