Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize