Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize