We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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