If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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