So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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