when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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