I am spending my child support on dildos
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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