worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
