Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
