I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
