can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
