Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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