hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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