I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
