Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
