Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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