Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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