i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
