Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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