Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
