OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
