There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
