"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
