Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
