Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
