so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
