yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
