Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
