I have demons in me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
