he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
