I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
