took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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