Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
