How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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