I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
