NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
