3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
