you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
