Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
