Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
