I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
These tits shall not be calmed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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