it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
