Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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