just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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