My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
