He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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