I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
