do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
