I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize