ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
