i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
